#post vent clarity feels good

[hotboyfreighttrain]

what if km nonbinary WHAT IF I PIT A FTM STICKER ON MY ED JOURNAL AND NOW THE JOURNAL IS RUIND!!!!!!? I JUST SAW ANOTHER ED PAGE AND ALL THE WKMEN WERE SO BEAUTIFUL I WANT TO LOOK LIKE THAT WGAAAAT!!!! WHAT IF IM DJUST DOING IT TO REBEL NO IM NOTOTTTTT!!!! im not doing it to rebel because i am .iam a man and i always woll be from these past years forward and if tgat is the label then that is ghe label i do NOT FIT IN ANY BOXES ALL THE BOXES ARE NAMED MARLEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM A BOY!!!!!!

but all ive placed my willingness to be a boy is from reading mlm fanfiction sonce i was 12... HARD GAY fanfiction . what if i just grew from that environment th

inking boys love is pure and beautiful it is but what if one day i decide to be an alien then what then what marker would i put on my lisence huh i cant just go out ajd say hey guys im nb now loooollllllll no i am he him .. i am he him and i woll die in this country as a hehim guy do you catch my drift lemel layo

i get so pisy at myself sometkmes i hate on women for NO REASON THATS SO BAD OF ME!!! its all internal of course . what if im trying to deny the little girl in side of me she cant come out.... every time i type a message in third person and mispell he to she i think its a sign from the unievrse saying what i am.... what if one day i dotn want to be a twink.... boy life seems so rigid

.... no i dont want to be some tiktok stereotypical trans man mockery page named frog kai ribbit fucking no i dont want to do any of that!!!!!!! maybe im non binary .. NO OOOO!!!!!!! I DONT WANT TO LOOK LOKE WHATS ON SOCIAL MEDIA yes i do actually because everyone there is so pretty how do they have all that money thats insane .. of course they have begrr jobs than me dont even get me started on that BOYFRIEND reels fhe i feel so insecure about it but now there is a rage in mt hrart that can only be relinquished with the blod of a steait white man with a couple hunneds....

boy life seems so rigid in my head but why does it appear that way to me i dont know maybe its because i live in a christian family yea gods always watching NO idgaf about god i dont care i think that whole relgiion is the downfall of human american society i stand on that rock sorrreyyyyy lolllll but i keep it to myself of course hahaa yes but anwuah i feel like being a boy yes mmasculinity in one neat box but fwmininty in a larger one i just see shit on social media with either big thifhsd women NO I DONT CARE FOR THAT!!!!!!! i gooooooddddfff no i know masuclinity isnt in a box but I CANT HELP TJINKING THAT WAY !!!!!!!! IM TRYING TO STOP and yes i have gotten quite into beinf more acceprivng than what i was in like ninth grade yes i am not perfect yes and living in the reddest most worst GEORGIA ITS FUCKING GEORGIA GEROGIA IS THE WORST STATE TO LIVE IN IF YOU WANT TO BE SLIVHTLY LEFT!!!!! I AM TIRED OF LIVING INT EHS SOUTH yeah hahahaa ohhh country accent YES I HAVE ONE BUT AT WHAT COST!!!!!!

I STILL HAVE INTERNALIZED HOMOPHOBIA IM TRYING TO GET RID OF I FEEL SO ASHAMED ADMITTING THAT

i canthellp feeling worried YES ITS WORRIED NOT HATE ITS JUST A CRINGING WORRY no please men please no ladies dknt kiss in this state please i dont want anyone lookign at you with hate please donntt its becayse these stupid principles they drilled into me. look at me fucking now they literally shamed me for being lgbt since sixth grade get on my fucking level why would you do that to me dad fuck you ughh i love you dad i hate your wife i wish i had really done what you said i was gonna do yeah you know what im fucking talking about you bitch noo no yeah go to the osych ward IT WAS BETTER THAN HOME

i am hidden in this cage uughhhhh heelpopp what if when ig et out i realize i just did it to find sanctuary with the people on my phone THE ONLY REASON I STARTED WANTING TO BE A BOY WAS BECAUSE I THOUGHT MIGUEL OHARA WAS SO PRETTY AND I WANTED TO BE THAT NOT JUST BECAUSE I WANTED TO BE A BOY yes i do want to be a boy but also i feel i am not fit to be 100 percent boy okay iam letting all my thoughts drain out right now so i can not pick them up later do you catch my drift do you catch it catch like the ballwtih the drift ohhhhhhh lolll yes maybe not one hundred percent boy yes but i dont want to yknow actually i think the reason i think this is because of all the we hate men and men do not interact shit on here

because i feel i am predatory following moots and the. posting shit . what. one day i am going to crash kut and do soemthing bad huh twhats gonna happen then NO im not gonna hurt anybody lolllll i dont do that i have self control i hurt myself not others trigger wanrning lollllllll no i do not want to associate with men in my gender identity no yes i actually do so fuck that but i feel bad when i see so many rape statistics i feel so bad i feel gross and sad when women do the whole women empowerment no i just want the attention on me the man not transgender man just me MEEEE JUST ME the man not transgender . i am nto trans im a cis man all along yeah???? no htrickes you but the things id do to be a southern magellan shorts southern row boy ohhh my god my mouth is salivATINGGGGG PLEAAAASEEEEE I NEED T SO BADDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

came to be a boy cause i liekd miguel ohara what the fuck kind of reason is that i mean no it makes sense in the end i always played the boyish role no its because i liked fucking gay fanficiton in a poser lmaooo no im not thats so dumb why am i gaslighting myself its only because i love sabotaging ymself into thinking things km not woaaattt.... go figure...... telling myself repwatedly i hated myself in sixth frade then got a diagnosis woahh yeahp depression isnt a joke lolk where it got you marley look where it got you marley look where it tgot you marley look where it got you marley look where it got you marley

[obsessiveloveistheonlylove]

Yandere bruce wayne with neglected!daughter reader

Seen a bunch of neglected reader fics recently but I haven't seen one of a Reader who slowly starts to take advantage of the situation and uses batfam for their money and connections so here's this! This only focuses on Bruce for now but if anyone is interested I'd be willing to do some for the other batfam members + hcs for when/if they snap and kidnap the reader. 

Was suppoused to headcanons but ended up more as long rambles than anything lol mainly set up for later posts detailing the situation

Pt1 it got too long, word count ; 2461

Unedited

___

Bruce is absolutely the most susceptible to this behavior, he feels the most guilt about the situation (as he should for being a neglectful father) and he is not going to lie to himself to try and save face and make himself feel better and if he does it's only for a short while before reality slaps him in the face and he has to see the truth. The truth is that there is no one to blame but himself.

When he first noticed your disappearance it had happened slowly… entirely too slow when he really took the time to think about it. You had been gone for a full year and he hadn't even noticed? Were you even old enough to be on your own like that? Something he felt ashamed that he even had to ask. When Alfred informs him that you're nineteen just this month he's shocked not only that you're an adult and that he didn't even realize your birthday had passed but that he couldn't even remember your face. He searches his memories for your Visage but all that he can recall is murky; he can't even remember the correct shade of your eyes or your hair and it startles him how long has it been since he took the time to properly look at you? 

It takes some time but eventually he remembers your face with sudden clarity, he hadn't seen it in a while and the only image he could conjure up was when he first saw you, a small helpless looking child left on his doorstep by commissioner Gordon.  your eyes held the same dull glassy look that his did the night his parents died, you had lost your mom in a similar vein he felt he could relate to at the time. he remembered seeing you and feeling sad for you but not in the way a father does for his child the way he felt was the same way he felt as Batman seeing victims in Gotham streets you didn't deserve this life but you weren't anyone close to him. 

His chest aches and he remembers the way you'd clung to him your first week in the manor and then the way you wilted when he shut that down, it wasn't like he was trying to hurt you but he couldn't have you following him around everywhere especially not when gothams crime was getting out of hand even with the other members picking up his slack. So he reprimanded you, way too harshly now that he looks back on it he knows he only meant to keep you from discovering his secret but he could have worded it better instead he made it sound like you were a burden. Maybe you were to him at the time he thinks and is disgusted with himself for even letting the thought cross his head. 

He reads your diary page after page until he reads through the whole thing. The first few pages are hopeful but solemn detailing how much you missed your mother but you're glad that you have a whole new family and you hope that they will like you, it's heartbreaking to read that kind of childish hope turn into sadness and then hate. You detailed how no one would make time for you that you'd tried everything to get their attention but you'd get blown off by each one it turns into rants about you asking what was wrong with you and why no one ever spent any time with you the writing was scribbled on so he knows you did it in a hurry just to vent out your frustration. The part that hurt most were the pages about him, you had nothing good to say about him in fact in one of the pages you had written that you didn't have much to say about him at all that you hardly knew him and barely saw him once a month and couldn't even call him your father. 

Surely that couldn't be true right? He's not the best father figure by far but he always tried to make time for dick, Tim, Jason, Steph, Damian and Cass ... .surely he did for you. 

He tries to find memories of him being a good father or at least trying to be any kind of father figure to you at all but he can't he can only see the times he rejected your pleas to spend time with you for things he deemed more important than you he sees it clearly each time he rejected you how you got sadder and sadder how you seemed to wilt at each and every rejection until you stopped asking. 

he tries to tell himself that he did it for your protection that he just didn't want to get you involved in the crime fighting scene and since gothams streets were never without crime he spent an exorbitant amount of his time as Batman down in the batcave or out fighting crime with his other children and that's why he couldn't spend time with you. And that's why he seemingly had so many memories with them in the recent years; hell even in the recent weeks he has more memories with dick and the others than he ever had made with you. he tries to use it as an excuse to mask the truth; that you didn't matter in the grand scheme of his life, at least not then but he's going to do everything to make this right.

You'll be surprised to suddenly get a ton of texts from an unknown number even more so when you find out it's from bruce. Suddenly he's asking you how you've been, how was the move, are you in college right now, what major did you take? Obviously you're taken aback when the man who acted like you didn't exist suddenly wants to know everything about you. You would think he'd needed something but you know better than that what could he possibly need with you now? You don't have any money and he wouldn't need that anyways. Maybe he's dying and needs a kidney or something…whatever you don't care that man can rot. 

You leave his messages on read of course, because you don't owe him a response and well maybe to be a bit petty and give him a taste of his own medicine. You don't know how bitter the taste is in Bruce's mouth, he knows you've seen them so why won't you respond? Bruce usually isn't a multi texter but he'll send more and more trying to get any kind of response out of you, he's constantly checking his phone hoping to see three little dots appear and he's noticeably slightly more angsty when out patrolling with the others. 

The texts were annoying but you could mute his notifications and after the first few weeks you basically forgot about the texts going about your normal life until he started calling. It seemed like he was always calling Day in day out, you blocked his number because of how annoying it was but he always just gets a new one leaving the same text “ hey your name its dad” and then the calling would resume. 

One day you pick up and Bruce sounds so relieved when he says your name into the receiver you figure he might really need that kidney if he sounds this excited to see you.

When you answer back he knows you aren't excited in fact you sound completely disinterested in him which takes him by surprise, isn't this what you wanted? What you cried for in your diary begging God that your father would notice you. You're older now so maybe you just aren't looking for that kind of attention anymore, the thought haunts him the idea that he could never truly make it up to you still he pushes through his voice sounding nervous as he starts to tentatively ask about your day. You cut him off with a scoff after some terse conversation telling him to just get to the point already and stop wasting your time. 

The silence is deafening and you almost hang up before he croaks out a response “sorry name, I just wanted to know what you were up to I know we uh.. haven't talked in awhile I just wanted to hear from you and know that everything was alright”  could this really be your father? He sounds so pathetic to you at that very moment, nothing like the confident man you saw on television often nor the man you saw taking care of everyone but you. 

And no nothing was alright you were working a job you hated in some shitty little apartment in Gotham that you had to fear if it would get broken into or not because the damn landlord wouldn't change the faulty locks a rage takes you and you just let it all fall out cursing him for your shitty life and the shitty apartment and for being a shitty father letting all that rage out until you're left heaving.  its silent after your outburst you think he might have hung up but after a moment he offers to pay for a new place and offers to pay your current rent until you can break the lease and that he will take care of you and not to worry about anything financial telling you to quit your job and to send him your bank so he can get things sorted out.  

At first you wanted to vehemently deny this, wanting to prove to yourself that you didn't need him or his help but something In the back of your head tells you to accept it, that if he expects anything back for it then that's his fault for assuming. So you tell him and soon there's a large sum of money in your account more than you have ever had in there. For once you can actually afford to treat yourself instead of eating shitty microwaved ramen, and so you dine out in a nice reasonably expensive restaurant with your friends and you enjoy yourself. 

A week passes in silence and then he's sending you pictures of luxury apartments telling you to pick out any one you want and that he'll get everything settled and you almost can't believe this. Would he actually pay for something so outrageously expensive? You almost doubt it but once your lease is up Bruce is at your door helping you move out any furniture you wanted to keep which was almost nothing seeing as everything was already worn out anyways. 

You didn't say much to him and he seemed to realize you were in no talking mood so he allowed you to be quiet and told you about himself instead talking about the boys and what he'd been working on recently, it feels like what he should've been for you years ago an interaction you'd have killed for when you were fourteen and it just pisses you off so you turn on the radio instead to drown out his words. You don't care how he's doing, you don't want to hear about dick or damian, you're only accepting his help because you're tired of living in that shitty apartment. The ride is otherwise silent except for the annoyingly upbeat pop music which would probably make Damian or Jason have an aneurysm if they had to listen to it. 

The goodbye is  awkward. You can tell Bruce wants to come inside and talk more but you thank him for helping you move in the furniture and shut the door. 

He buys you new furniture without you asking and sends it in by the second week you're in the apartment. You don't realize that he stalks your posts and that he saw one of you complaining about the lack of good furniture.

Life has never been better for you, you live in luxury and can go on shopping sprees literally whenever you want and Bruce sends you a random stream of cash whenever you start to get low and you're definitely not going to look a gift horse in the mouth not when you enjoy every luxury you are afforded. 

Life is good until a certain black haired prick starts inserting himself into your life and this time it isn't bruce, nope it just had to be your annoyingly bubbly, touchy, and all too friendly ‘stepbrother’ dick grayson.

___

So yeah all in all Bruce has the capability to recognize your strained relationship is all his fault and that he never should have ignored you and how selfish he was to put his duties as Batman above his duties as a father to you. He realized he didn't even try to balance the two. 

And Despite himself he ended up hurting you and neglecting you so he feels he owes it to you to make things right even if 'making things right' entails him buying you a luxury apartment or purchasing the latest phone or new car. The best part is that Bruce will not demand time from you (yet) because of his guilt.  He simply suggests that maybe you should come out with him saying that he planned a whole day for the two of you but the ball is in your court since whether or not you ever accept his invites he will continue to be your cash cow to absolve himself of his guilt. 

It's fun because now you get to watch him wilt everytime you reject his attempts at reconnecting, you get to have your petty revenge watching as a part of him dies inside each and every time you ignore the conversations he tries to start when pulling money out of the bank,  you get to watch how he seems to lose all of his luster when you leave once the cash is in your hands without so much as a thanks. Bruce isn't stupid he knows this dynamic is unhealthy and recognizes it for what it is but this is the only way he can get you to talk to him or to even look in his direction. He has his limits though eventually you will talk to him whether you want to or not 

[yukidragon]

Imagine if instead of calling MC during post-nut clarity, Ian went to reddit to ask for advice? (Well, the bland-name legally-distinct version of reddit in this universe.)

Of course the comments would rip him apart and there'd be more crying, but it's kind of interesting to imagine the post he might've wrote.

For example, imagine the way Ian would describe MC in the post to other people. Would he try to justify what he did because the relationship was rocky, or would he be mostly bemoaning that he has no idea why he did it? Would he talk up MC's good qualities or slip in a lot of things that bugged him that he never brought up? What little unspoken biases would come out during the post?

I think the tone of the post would be mostly focused on how much Ian is hurting, as it is him venting to a bunch of internet strangers. He focuses on how terrible a person he feels he is, and how much he fears what's going to happen when MC finds out and how this might destroy their relationship. He just can't lose them! He can't!

I like to think Ian would have the state of mind to at least use a throwaway account and aliases for himself and others he mentions in the post. However, if MC is the type to visit those forums often, maybe even introduced Ian to them in the first place or vice-versa, it's possible MC recognizes enough details to realizes it's about them. Maybe it could even go viral and they find out about the post listening to a reading on podcast or video site.

Using my MC Alice as an example, I can imagine Ian talking about her weight and how he totally loves her in spite of how overweight she is, and she's so cute and kind. But the affair partner looked like she stepped out of a porn ecchi manga - big boobs, big butt, tiny waist, long trim legs, and incredibly flirtatious and sexually charged.

On that note, Content Warning for fatphobia, acephobia, and internalized religious-based shame!

Oh Ian had no idea it was flirting at first, he swears, but it felt so good. He never really felt like Alice really saw him as attractive since she's asexual, and she isn't all that enthusiastic about sex. It's another subconscious bias slipping through to justify himself and get sympathy despite the horrendous thing he did.

The sex with the affair partner was mind blowing, but once it was over Ian realized what he had done and felt just so awful. The affair partner tried to reassure him that it was only natural he found her more attractive (because people who tempt others to cheat in a relationship love to stroke their egos). No one has to know and they can keep having fun~

Naturally taking the affair partner takes snipes at Alice. She had done so in the past that Ian had called out in so much he offered feeble protests that Alice had good points too, while trying hard not to upset his new "friend." The comments usually were so innocuous he felt like he was overthinking it, but in the situation they were overt and insulting and he snapped at the affair partner in that moment.

Now Ian feels bad about that too since affair partner is telling him he overreacted. She tried to reassure him that everybody in a long distance relationships cheats. In fact, Alice was probably cheating on him right now. Anyone who says they're ace - in her opinion - are just lying to seem more "righteous" than they are and asexuality doesn't actually exist. Affair partner's comment that there must be somebody desperate enough to want to fuck a fat girl was what set Ian off.

Yes, my version of the affair partner is complete scum. I mean, people who tempt others to cheat tend to only care about making themselves feel superior to someone else.

The post online is a lot of word vomit with a token attempt to clean up spelling and grammar errors. Ian just keeps crying and is desperate for anyone online to tell him how he can make it up to Alice and save their relationship. He doesn't want to end the friendship with affair partner either since he knows it's his fault this happened, because he just couldn't control himself. All that internalized shame for his sexual urges bubbling to the surface. He knows he fucked up and he just wants to know how to atone for his sins.

Of course when describing Alice before describing the affair partner, Ian mentions their good points. Alice is so kind, even overtly so, holding him whenever he cried, always reaching out to others, being more motherly than his own mom. She's sweet and kind like that to everyone, and everyone loves her. She's everything he could ever want and she satisfied him in bed.

Man, imagine if Ian intended to write that Alice is everything he wanted in a partner, only to accidentally use the alias he made up for the affair partner instead of the one he used for Alice.

I mean, easy mistake to make, right? He's using fake names he just made up on the spot. Of course he's going to mix them up. He even insists as such when a comment calls him out for it before he can fix it in an edit. It was just a typo!

Ian admits that he felt guilty about subjecting Alice to his sexual urges. He knows sexual urges are sinful. She's asexual and doesn't really initiate sex but is always eager to please him anyway. She's always been like an angel to him and to everyone. Sex with her sometimes made him feel like a filthy sinner like he was desecrating something too pure and good for this world in the name of his shameful urges.

The affair partner though... Ian admits she's exciting, thrilling, so open in discussing sex like it's no big deal. She flaunts her body, confident in a way Alice isn't. The two of them are like night and day. When he had sex with the affair partner he didn't feel like he was defiling an angel. He admits he doesn't know what he was thinking, but it was the most intense, raw, and amazing sex he's ever had.

Which makes Ian feel even more like absolute shit for enjoying it so much.

Perhaps the allure Ian felt, aside from the physical attraction, was that he didn't feel like he was dragging someone else down. They were both filthy sinners acting like animals, only focusing on the pleasure and not thinking about consequences. He didn't think about the future, or about guilt and shame... at least not until after the post-nut clarity hits.

Even if Ian had this irrational feeling that sex with Alice was wrong, he knows it's wrong with the affair partner. In the afterglow, cuddling with Alice made him feel safe, accepted, loved, and like what they experienced wasn't as dirty and sinful as he felt. The aftercare soothed his worries and made him feel like what they had was actually pure and good and full of love.

The afterglow with the affair partner felt wretched. Ian immediately wanted to throw up. It was all wrong. He still can't understand why he got caught up in it like he did when he knows it's wrong... but in the moment it felt so good.

Another piece of advice Ian requests of the people of the forum is how to stop thinking about the sex he had with the affair partner so that he never gets tempted again. All he wants is to be happy with Alice, his partner, the woman he wanted to marry since they were kids!

The comments, naturally, tear Ian apart, but some scumbags support him, insulting Alice due to his description of her and saying what he did was only to be expected. If she wanted to keep him, she should've tried harder and lost weight.

While Ian doesn't respond to every comment, he responds to many. To those raking him over the coals, you can practically see the tears spilling onto the phone screen as he types that he knows he's a piece of shit, but he came here to get advice on how to fix things! Alice is the only one he wants to be with! He never wanted this to happen!

Ian makes an edit to the post in response to the scumbags, pleading with people not to insult Alice. He tries to protect her honor, talks even more about so many good qualities about her, and how these people don't even know her or understand!

He also insists this post isn't rage bait or farming for attention.

Ian also slips in that he knows Alice would forgive him even if he told her, since she's just that kind and forgiving of a person, but she would be crushed. She's already put up with so much over the years and still loves him. He can't handle what this will do to her. He doesn't want to break her heart over something so selfish and vile. He can't believe he did something so stupid, but he just wants to know how to fix this without hurting her.

In a way, Ian irrationally fears that he's now just like these scumbags in the comments due to his cheating. The things they say about her... did he subconsciously think them? Is he really such a horrible person? The ones trying to justify what he did are so vile, and the rest are condemning him and hoping that Alice dumps him.

Ian was hoping to get advice, and he does, a little. There are some people in the comments that take a more soft approach to chastising him. In the end, their encouragement is just confess and go to couple's therapy.

Ian resisted going to therapy all this time because of hearing negative things about it, how pointless it is (mainly from his mother), but he decides that's the best shot they have. He'll do anything to fix this now.

Ultimately, the comments make him fear telling Alice all the more given how much hatred he got for his post.

Ian does post updates in the aftermath. First that he broke down and told Alice. She forgave him and they're going to try and make it work. He doesn't specify how, just that they talked a lot and many tears were shed. Though he got so much hate online, some of the advice did seem to help, so he's back to vent more and get more advice. He'll suffer the hate if it means atoning for his sins.

Oh there's also a brief mention of Alice going to the hospital for a while, but Ian mostly focuses on how awful he feels and how it must be his fault, without going into details out of respect for her privacy.

Then there'd be another update from Ian later on about how Alice ended things, and he's devastated. He was so confused by it, as if it came out of the blue. They were working on fixing things! He thought things would get better, but then she told him that she just couldn't do it anymore right now. She needs some space.

Ian goes into self-pitying mode, knowing it's his fault and he messed up, but he thought things were going to be okay. What does he do now? How does he fix things? What did he mess up after things seemed to be getting better?

Then an edit is thrown in that Ian found out Alice's friends apparently talked her into breaking up with him. She still says she needs space to think before they can try again. Ian can't blame them given all the comments roasting him, but he was trying! He really was! How can he prove that?

At this point the comments are just all telling Ian to leave Alice alone and let her move on. It's over. Even the more empathetic posters don't have advice for him this time.

Hmm... Ian might not have gone to a forum for advice right after cheating in Sunshine in Hell, but I like the idea that he sought out advice after he confessed what he did to Alice. He might've even been a regular poster to online forums for advice anonymously in the past.

Of course if Alice stumbled across the post and realized it was Ian who made it, it'd make her feel even more violated than before. She'd be the type to read way too much into how Ian talked about her and the affair partner, particularly when people in the comments called him out for how he phrased certain things.

If nothing else, it'd make Alice feel more certain that Ian wouldn't be happy in a relationship with her in the long term. It'd also tear her apart to hear in his own words just how much he's suffering.

The post would haunt Alice at the back of her mind, the hate comments and Ian's little offhand remarks in the posts picking at her insecurities.

Naturally, Alice would avoid those forums for a while, as well as anyplace else Ian might be lurking online. Even posts that seem sort of similar give her this feeling of paranoia that it might be him vague posting about her again. Finally, she decides to just take a break from the internet as much as humanly possible, including socials.

Wow, this little off the wall what if scenario grew into something much bigger than anticipated. I hope you all enjoyed this idea, as well as how I applied it to Alice and Ian's relationship. If you did, perhaps consider what sort of post Ian might make about his relationship with your MC and the fallout from that. Have fun!

@channydraws @earthgirlaesthetic @sai-of-the-7-stars @cheriihoney @illary-kore @okamiliqueur @kurokrisps

[kiritila]

Are you still gonna be updating no one saw me?

this is such a long time overdue, but since ive been away so long i figured this would be a good way to address everything, like whats been happening in my life and my future plans for no1sm for everyones clarity.

to put it shortly, i work full-time, and have done for nearly 2 years now. i am a product designer and i work monday-friday, 9-5. i attend a full day of college classes once a week, this day being even longer than a work day, and on top of that i have a personal work-based tutor that i have to complete work for as well. so in terms of professional obligations, im extremely busy. in my personal life, ive been seeing friends a lot, running errands, planning for weddings, parties, buying a car, SO MANY THINGS. my life has been so hectic.

ive also been suffering some health problems recently. my earliest or readers that are close friends probably know i began writing no1sm to vent my feelings about trauma i underwent, and this obviously still affects me quite greatly alongside depression and anxiety. ive also been suffering quite badly with insomnia and fatigue problems, as well as, embarrassingly, moderately bad eczema.

perhaps the most ridiculous development of all: I AM NOT CURRENTLY HYPERFIXATED ON SOUTH PARK. SHOCK HORROR. BUT PLEASE DONT PANIC: it is still my spin, stan and kyle are still my most favourite characters ever, and most of all i still ENJOY south park and enjoy thinking about, planning, and writing no1sm (when im not completely utterly knackered). ive actually recently gotten majorly into formula 1 as a result of my friends, so if there are any f1 fans following me PLEASE SAY HI!!!!! i plan to do art for it but i have been busy and im also very much a perfectionist. (FYI: my favourite driver is max verstappen. no questions asked. i also love charles daniel lando oscar and honestly most drivers on the grid. i love niki lauda james hunt seb vettel and jenson button. i had a brief mclaren tooned hyperfixation. I AM CURRENTLY INCREDIBLY DEPRESSED OVER DANIEL RICCIARDO LOSING HIS SEAT)

anyway.. getting back on track.

AM I STILL GOING TO BE UPDATING NO1SM?

YES. YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES. i dont know when, but this story is something i have to complete for myself and for you guys. i realised i was putting myself under so much pressure for it to be perfect that it sapped the love i felt for it from me. now that i no longer have visible eyes on me waiting for updates on twitter, i feel much freer and relaxed with it. i dont know how or when, but yes, the story will be completed. do not ask me about the kyle prequel ive planned though DONT DO IT.

i also dont plan on posting about updates anywhere other than tumblr going forwards. ive since moved on from the twitter south park fandom where i was most active, as i felt like i was too old to be in a fandom of minors and the discourse was simply too much. so i decided to move to a fan space and sport that is a million times worse but still somehow has been better for me. so if you still want to follow me on twitter even though i dont south park post anymore, you can follow me at @vrstappns :)

WILL NO1SM HAVE AN UPDATE SCHEDULE?

NO. sorry, my mental health and my career comes first. i want to try and find a better balance that leaves me time to write but im afraid i need time to ease myself back in after so long off and theres no guarantee how long that will take me.

WILL YOU STILL BE MAKING ART FOR NO1SM?

YES. I HOPE. who knows when though cause i havent been able to draw in a long time and im still pissed off that i cant draw max verstappen as easily as i could ever draw kyle broflovski.

AM I ALLOWED TO USE YOUR STORY AND WRITE THE ENDING FOR MYSELF?

NO. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS. as much as other authors may encourage this I REALLY DO NOT LIKE THIS. you dont know how much work i have put into this fic as well as how much of my own life and traumas are embedded between the lines of writing. this fic is practically half of me in the same way my parents’ DNA is a part of my make-up. not to sound rude but to even think you could possibly imagine how i intend for this fic to resolve and end when you dont even know me is laughable.

HOW WILL THE INTENSE HOMOSEXUAL RIVALRIES OF FORMULA ONE INFLUENCE THE INTENSE HOMOSEXUAL RIVALRY OF STAN AND KYLE GOING FORWARDS?

im sure 2019 charles leclerc and max verstappen guided carefully by brocedes and james hunt and niki lauda will figure something out. maybe not brocedes actually i am unsure if i want stan marsh to end up like nico rosberg. but i guess he is a good youtuber too and has great hair which is two things stan is NOT. gay loser. also david coulthard and sebastian vettel are there somewhere. GAY RED BULL RACING WILL LEAD US TO WORLD PEACE

thank you so much for reading, i know youve all probably moved on with your life but its a weight off my chest to finally write this out. i love this fic and i love that you all love this fic, if you are still here. i can only apologise for how long ive made you all wait.

please just have patience with me,

thanks muchly,

mike (formerly marshplaylist) vrstappns

[x-neurotoxin-x]

Im about to rant so follow me for a second here. I keep seeing a lot of that "Touya was born evil and showed no remorse for the things he did even as a kid" take like, everywhere lately and tbh the blatant misinterpretation of Touya and disregard of canon aspects of his character about this never fails to get on my nerves.

Obv not in a "he did nothing wrong" way, he obviously did a bunch of things wrong and went down a dark path bc of a mix of circumstances, victimization, and his own decisions- which makes him such a good character because of the fact he was shaped by his trauma but also has agency in his crimes and made choices himself that got him where he is. He's not a good person and having regrets/remorse doesn't change that, but you guys are just legitimately wrong about him not having any remorse and being "born wrong" when in canon it's been a clear point multiple times to show he knows right from wrong to a degree and feels guilt for the things he's done. Correct me if I'm wrong, but Dabi is the only villain that I can think of from the league who shows remorse, and to some degree responsibility, for his actions.

A lot of the "evidence" people provide is stuff he did as a kid, like attacking Shouto and "Terrorizing Rei." Both of these Touya expressed regret about on screen with him venting to Natsuo at night about how he(Touya) was wrong that day(when he attacked Shouto) and Shouto didn't do anything.

He also expressed wanting to apologize to Rei for the things he said literally right after waking up from a coma in a strange facility where he was essentially being held hostage for 3 years. One of the first thoughts he had was that he did "awful things" ane needed to apologize to his mom and the rest of his family. (Which is honestly kind of devastating and says a lot about his character at the time that he was in such a traumatic situation and thought like that. Everything about post coma/teen Touya is so goddamn tragic.)

He projected his anger and pain from his abuse onto Shouto when he got older- I.e. everything he did as Dabi to Shouto; fighting him, trying to kill him, etc all of which was fucked up and he had no excuse to do but he DID show remorse for doing it. Legit the last time we see him he apologizes specifically to Shouto and it appears during the final battle he had a moment of clarity and everything about Shouto sank in- the soba moment only further showing that.

We also see that scene way back where he was remembering what Snatch said about the families of the people he killed, and Dabi showed remorse there too with the bloody tear symbolism.

So I really do not understand how ppl still call him born evil and remorseless when in canon it's pretty clear Touya's always been a very hurt, angry person who did terrible things either on impulse or out of pain and felt regret for it, but kept doing it because of trauma, very likely mental illness, and his self destructive tendencies. He got colder as he got older, but he's shown to be still capable of remorse and critical thought. He's not just evil for no reason without any second thought, he's more complex than that. It all makes him such a complicated, human, and relatable character and boiling him down to "-insert the ablest slur you all keep using that starts with the letter S- with no remorse who was born evil and wrong" is not only starting to stink of ableism but just a blatant disregard and misunderstanding of his character in general.

[orion4ever]

Hi! If you're still looking for requests how about Cove monologuing to his fish and trying to process his feelings and possibly his sexuality.

Author’s note: Yay! A Cove request! The idea of him talking to his fish is so dorky and adorable! I wrote this with Step 3 in mind!

Pairing: Cove Holden x MC

🐠

Seeing Cove Holden pace around his room wasn't a strange occurrence. The ocean man has had a lot on his mind lately, mostly about himself and his feelings towards his best friend and long-term neighbor.

In Cove's teen years, he had been on the fence about his sexuality or his feelings about them for a while.

He knew he liked them, but he wanted clarity.

Which is why he was leaving sand footprints in his room, talking to himself.

"I like them.  Okay! That's a start." He said it aloud before messing with his hair.

"Do they even like me like that? Sure, everyone says they do, but then again. People can be dramatic," he pouted.

He slightly turned to make another lap of his room when he spotted his fish chilling in the tank.

More specifically, he spotted the fish he had allowed you to name five years ago. He took good care of his fish, so they lasted longer than the average fish tank hobbyist.

"You probably think I'm crazy, huh, little guy." He addressed the fish, leaning down on the edge of the table to watch the little guy.

"Feelings don't need an explanation, but I would like one," he sighed. "I don't even really know what I am really into." He sighed louder.

“I never really thought about gender. It doesn’t really matter to me. If they understood me and connected really well, then it didn’t matter.” He told the colorful fish.

“But then again. Even if they did know me, I wouldn’t date them instantly. My head always thinks of MC when I think about dating anyone.” His eyes drifted to anywhere but the particular fish he was venting to.

“They told me once that it was okay not to have a particular answer for my feelings.”

His blue eyes then returned to the fish. The fish looked either neutral or not impressed.

The green-haired man took out his phone and began typing multiple keywords. It was 2016, and there had to be a label for this. Right? While he was doing that, he pulled his rolling chair to be next to his tank and sat in it.

“What sexuality is where you don’t care about gender but only care about your deep bond with a person?" he repeated as he typed.

He began scrolling endlessly while he chatted with the fish.

“Maybe I am just weird. I never hear about anyone struggling with this kind of thing." He grumbled, annoyed that he may have been overthinking this when he finally saw something viable.

“Demisexual..? I haven’t heard that one yet.” He clicked the link and jokingly flashed his phone to the fish. “Maybe I am getting too excited about this.”

He read it over the article posted to a pro-LGBTQ article source. It talked about how some people only really wanted to be in a relationship with people they had a deep bond with. It didn’t matter what they identified with.

Cove’s ocean eyes went huge as he read it further. This was it. He had never read an article that resonated so well with him. 

"That is exactly it.”

He got up from the spot next to the fish tank. He was going to tell MC about his newfound wisdom.

“Thanks for listening.” He addressed the fish one last time before he left sand trails outside his door.

[luesmainblog]

for those wondering why i have been mostly quiet regarding israel and palestine: most of the pro-palestine stuff i come across is dismissive of hamas' horrors, blatantly antisemetic in parts, and generally conflates the israeli population with their government. or worse, treats them as a monolith; it is true that there are many israelis mocking the people their soldiers are destroying. it is NOT true that all of israel doesn't care and is just totally cool with what's going on. i will share what i find of israel's atrocities, but i will not make my jewish followers feel unsafe for shit they had nothing to do with. most of the stuff i've seen that *does* acknowledge the horror is jewish bloggers who have spent much of their life advocating for palestine, now having to struggle against antisemetics coming to them, furious that they DARE to be upset at the lost israeli lives. as though they are not allowed to mourn for both sides. as though they are not allowed to be horrified by what has happened; that they can ONLY be worried for palestine and how the attack was the perfect excuse for israel to double down. i refuse to send even more hatred their way by spreading their grief further into the void; you never know Exactly who's following your follower's followers. i am glad, at least, that nobody i follow was outright celebrating. but i know that people WERE, and now they're trying to act like that never happened. so incase this wasn't clear, cheering on the deaths of Israelis does not fucking help palestine.

I am truly disgusted with the blatant racism and colonialism that manifests israel's very core. it is an attempt at a violent ethnostate, intent to not only destroy the people it seeks to replace, but fully erase them from history. i am also disgusted with the way that the left is happy to celebrate genuine terrorism if it's committed "for the right side", as if parading dead bodies and raping people does fucking ANYTHING good. as if that doesn't fuel the israeli government's chances for propoganda. as if it hasn't traumatized your jewish neighbors. there are no fucking winners in war. free palestine and protect your muslim AND jewish friends in this time, they are BOTH getting their shit kicked in by ignorant people who want to take out their anger on some random kid in ohio. we are all posting in anger here. but let's check ourselves before we post; misinformation and antisemitism weakens our voices. Edit for clarity: this post is for my mutuals. I am specifically asking my mutuals to think carefully about what they post; i am aware that i've been too quiet, and i am trying to remedy that. i am also warning my jewish and muslim followers that if you've been using my blog as a safe spot to not think about it for a little bit, you're gonna wanna block the tags below. 'horrible things' will usually do it. i am also venting about how every jew i follow is getting hit with the "die you stupid zionist" shit from coward anons who can't tell the difference between supporting israel and just being fucking concerned for your family over there. it's fucked.

[pallastrology]

april notes

artwork by maurice hagemans

i feel like march has been really intense... anyone else? i think the aqua/pisces/aries mix can be tough, and with the coming of spring it's a very impactful time of year. anyway, april starts out with the moon trine mercury, in sagittarius and aries. this is a nice transit, though very fast; your feelings and thoughts work together harmoniously to find the heart of the matter. complementing this is venus, which is currently conjunct neptune in ephemeral pisces, and sextile uranus in collected taurus. two very nice aspects here, bringing some much-needed calm and compassion to us before the storm that is mercury going retrograde hits. for general advice on mercury retrograde, see this post! throughout the first week of april, the moon will join pluto in aquarius. coupled with mercury in retrograde, i would say be cautious; not scared, but collect yourself and your thoughts before you speak up. don't go in blindly and don't give into your every desire. venus soon ingresses into aries, which can make it harder to ignore those desires, especially when the moon forms a conjunction. while it's good to chase your dreams, remember to stay grounded!

when the moon joins mercury in aries, we might be feeling pent up and ready to blow. if you can, look for an outlet that doesn't involve direct communication with others, unless you have a trusted person you can vent to knowing that they really get you. it's a good time to exercise or go hiking if you're into it, to burn off some frustration and clear your head. the new moon in aries on the 8th can amplify these struggles. again, i would say, do something physical (i like to clean my house around the new moon, it's a good workout and helps me feel calmer and less chaotic), and refine (or start to form) your plans. don't necessarily make any huge leaps right now though. later on, mars joins saturn to form a conjunction in pisces; this placement signifies immense inner strength and endurance. this is a good time to remind yourself that you're stronger than you give yourself credit for, and to be proud of how hard you are working to achieve your goals. it may bring up issues of balance, however; are you a workaholic? are you not putting in the effort/resources you could be? some reflection and a plan might be useful if you're feeling unbalanced.

later in the month, jupiter joins uranus in taurus. watch out for overindulgence and impulsivity! that being said, you've been working very hard, and it's okay to enjoy the fruits of your labour. just remember to appreciate the little things too, and not get caught up in sudden dreams and desires that, ultimately, steer you away from your goals. on the 20th, the sun ingresses into taurus, and we arrive at ox station! it's time to focus on our values and self-worth, our home life and environment, our work ethic and spending (or saving) habits, and take some time to enjoy the sweeter side of life. a little treat can go a long way, but let's stay focused. the sun square pluto in aquarius puts a bit of dampener on an otherwise warm and inviting transit, but it's nothing to fear; squares indicate a power struggle, yes, but they also indicate a lot of energy. how you channel that energy is up to you.

the full moon on the 24th could be quite tense, as pluto in aquarius makes it a t-square. while stress and tension aren't pleasant sensations or states to be in, this full moon could be a kind of catalyst moment; we often think of the full lunar phase as a time of release and reflection, and i think this will hold very true here. i'm personally expecting to feel like a wreck by this point, but often, for me at least, those "breaking point" moments help me gain clarity and rearrange what isn't working, or what's causing me stress. i hope that your full moon won't be stressful, but if it is, try doing something relaxing and just giving yourself the space to feel what you need to.

right at the end of the month, venus ingresses into taurus, which is a very comfortable placement. this transit asks us to lighten the load a little bit and get creative in life; to enjoy ourselves and find the balance between work and pleasure. to value ourselves the way we do our loved ones, and to build trust in ourselves and our inner circles. trust goes both ways of course, so we are tasked with being honest and reliable this month. wishing you all the best, as always.

xo

[snakarscrolls]

Elaborating on posting clarity and referencing mostly my main blog but posting here caus this is like a slightly more secluded ramble space.. I really feel I come across as incredibly whiny outside of fandomposting online cause I only ever really vent/self analyze, and funnily enough vaguing being upset or mistreated irl feels much safer than expressing liking something or other opinions or interests or anything, like those things are so so much more vulnerable, to the point they're hard to even think about on my own.. including cause I expect punishment... but i still want people to read whatever I have to say. I suppose I expect / am used to having things I think being demeaned or insulted or misunderstood. I'm worried about being accused of being an annoying fandom blog, especially if owned for notes, but beyond that I'm just not sure if I have that much to say cause I don't ever do much... none of those seem to be an issue when directly talking to people, though, I'm pretty good at asking questions and going on tangents and replying and stuff. I just don't seem to like having spaces dedicated to myself thus far. I might try to get into streaming and talk to people that way

[silverslipstream]

ocean's vent-leven

cw: references to depression and suicide/self-harm

okay, so this is a reasonably happier vent post than my last one, but it's still kind of a vent regarding my feelings so I guess my shitty bad jokes of shoehorning the word 'vent' into film titles will continue, as part of my eternal effort to treat everything I cannot emotionally tolerate or compartmentalise with at least a modicum of humour. whew. off to a good start here. yesterday (friday 10th may) I was absolutely paralysed by depression. this is usually the point where I make a joke about being paralysed in a physical sense by my cerebral palsy, because the societally-expected reaction to my trauma is to make light of it and show people I am broken in a way they can pretend not to notice (a way I can pretend to be fine with them pretending not to notice, and they can see me pretending to be fine and think it's fine to continue pretending not to notice). BUT since I am learning to love myself and cut down on negative language even in jest, I will not say this. instead, I will talk about this depression.

it was horrible. unceasing. it pushed onward and onward from around 2AM in the morning until just before 7AM, when I retreated to my bed instead of my desk. I thought I could sleep, but I just dozed intermittently, never quite achieving that downy state of blissful surrender. woke up for my 10:15 alarm, because I had a lecture at 11:15, and I just. couldn't. fucking face it. it wasn't even a chronic pain thing, physically I was fine. the lecture (and the lecture after that) just seemed to be wobbling like a heat haze at the end of a very long tunnel. I rolled over and resolutely ignored the clock on my phone until I knew I'd missed the lecture. fuck. why are you so fucking lazy? there's only one week of lectures left in second year, my brain screamed at me, and you have four assignments unfinished, three not even STARTED THAT ARE DUE BY THE END OF THE MONTH WHYDOYOUNEVERDOANYTHINGWHYDOYOUIGNORETHETHINGSYOU'RESUPPOSEDTOLOVE-

I passed in and out of sleep and missed the 1:15 lecture too. my friend messaged me asking to pick up the poem notes I'd meant to give him the day before. I was asleep and didn't see the message. the notes are still in my room in my flat and I am at my grandmother's house. if that friend is reading this, know that I am deeply sorry for that and that I love you and did not mean to frustrate you by not fulfilling that objective. the truth is that, in that transient fuzzy sleep that was less about rest and more about hating the clarity of wakefulness, I felt like my whole LIFE was one unfulfilled objective. I couldn't be born right, I couldn't be the son my parents wanted (they had to draft in a hurried substitute), I couldn't be a friend right, I couldn't stay in one place right, I couldn't do my useless fucking stupid fucking waste of a degree right. I couldn't even have the decency to die by my own hand and instead turned it into a whole fucking drama that ruined my friendship group and forced me to come out to my parents.

in that horrible clear moment, the future of my life seemed to be a flashbulb gallery of microwave dinners and empty booze bottles and hospital waiting rooms, alone alone alone. a slideshow of a man literally and figuratively shuffling through life towards the river styx and not even noticing the water until it was past his rusted-shut bear trap of a mouth.

but it's because of that love (the love I have for you and my other friends too, look at me rhyming like I'm motherfucking Seuss) that I got up this morning and realised, that future can stay with all the futures I've imagined in my head. all the apocalypses, all the dystopias, the sci-fi speculations and the post-apoc predictions. they're the same thing, I realised. fictions in my head. my fears manifested into virtual realities, screens through which I can handle my pain and show it to the world without putting twenty pairs of 'palatable-humour' gloves on. that future is just another fictional apocalypse, and just because it's closer to me doesn't mean I should feel powerless to thwart it.

it is because I love my friends that I must pass my assignments. next year we will be moving into a flat together and I need to pass this year to make that happen. because I need to make more memories. I need to cultivate this love and give it the water I withheld so many times in my past, in those other chapters of my life. I will make these memories not because I need them, not because I see them as something scarce worth clinging to or as a method of compensating for my deprivations, but because I love you. we will all drink together and we will play stupid card games and watch films and cry and laugh and argue and drag each other out of bed at 6AM to wash our dishes and I will cook too much food on purpose because I will know you haven't eaten and because sharing a meal with friends is the fastest way to find out what the gods tasted when the first mouthfuls of ambrosia passed their lips.

to borrow one of my all-time favourite cheesy film one--liners, today we are cancelling the apocalypse.

[fruityuncleskeletor]

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

seen on and snatched from @bunnakit

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats 

🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  I started writing my own stories about cartoon characters because the episodes on TV were too far apart

🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love

Chan's room episodes

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? a fucking solid 2, because the more I see my own fic, the more disgusted I grow with it and lose the will to post it. The 2 is because I do realise editing is necessary.

🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis

🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? I am calling @hardcandythinking but only to vent, I already know where to rent a woodchipper from

🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love @ellieellieoxenfree

💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  in my business inbox, 51. In my personal account, 0

🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis@sparkly-butthole-on-ao3

🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?  I used to be really into writing the OG characters

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before I have come to terms that I will always have an eating disorder, the difference now is that I've decided to profit from it.

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? I am fucking exhausted, fam. And the supreme lack of interest in my writing in this new fandom. Feeling unwanted and tired has managed to give me a writer's block that I have successfully dodged for 20+ years.

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

Here's two-

Geralt and Jaskier are so in love with each other, even platonically. They don't want to admit it, but they have a really warm and cozy love bubble around them and both are afraid that if they speak about it, it'll make them feel less giddy and elated and pull this bubble into reality, making it vulnerable to being popped by evil forces.

Jace's nonchalant attitude re: the people he bangs and his unflinching love for Alec always made me think he is an in denial asexual - he is obviously not sex-repulsed but he wields sex like a weapon or like a quick fix to avoid looking at deeper emotions affecting him. I fucking love Jace to death, he gets so little credit.

🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual?

talk to me on tumblr

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

My cat's health is better

I am losing weight and gaining muscle, feeling fitter than in my 20s

I found a hairdresser I absolutely love going to

📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app? some Korean words for reference. In Korean.

  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character Yennefer is a gigantic selfish asshole, with only moments of emotional clarity and kindness and she treats Geralt like absolute crap most of the time.

🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? yeah not gonna make the FBI man's job easy. stay wondering, bro!

🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on

It's always better to assume people are assholes by default and then let yourself be pleasantly surprised when they are decent than the other way around. Saves you a world of disappointment.

❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best?

I can't pick rn.

🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity

The only way around it is through it. It helps to do various other creative things, it will recharge your creativity in the realm you feel it's low in. Like if you have writer's block, make some art. Draw some shit, splash some colours, bake and decorate a birthday cake, go outside and photograph some flowers.

🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh "My butthole! I blew out my butthole!"

  🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? When someone picks their favourite parts of the chapter or fic, and details their thoughts on it for my enjoyment.

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate Alec is a good leader, perseverent and insightful.

🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? God I used to lie more often than I breathed when I was a kid and a teen. Lately I just lie to get out of having to socialise.

🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately 

I find stanning a K-Pop group to be 20% fun and 80% disheartening if you're older because you definitely feel like you can't sit with the cool kids and everything is just a really good, hi-def illusion set up to make you bust your wallet wide open, so every moment of genuine relatability and connection is invalidated by the feeling that these people are part of a marketing strategy. It's kind of like going to see strippers and even if you like one, you know that even if you fell in love with them, you're not allowed to get to know them because for them it's just work and you are only worth the cash you pay in their eyes. The closeness is an illusion that leaves you feeling even lonelier and sadder than you were before.

🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  There are a lot of them but my core reference is Anne Rice's writing. Now I am writing something that was inspired by the portrayal of Jack Reacher in the "Reacher" series on Amazon.

🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing It would be nice if I could write stuff that's relatable to others, not just to me. But that would mean biiiiiiiig consciousness shift and I'm extremely pussilanimous when it comes to this.

🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? I think the delivery matters a lot - a surprise is being told something that you don't know yet, and if the person breaking the news makes it seem like a heart attack from shock is the adequate response, then better don't tell me, just show me.

🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here

Hyunjin had made himself comfortable on his bed, with his legs propped up on the headboard, leaving just his shirt and his socks on. He intended to drag it out as much as he could and get the most out of those pics.

Magazine in one hand, dick in the other - that’s how Changbin had found him, walking in to ask a very pressing question. (65 words bc just the 50 didn't make sense alone.)

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? Thinking about my love-hate relationship with writing.

🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them

@hardcandythinking is my bestie and my number 1 fan. She's the real MVP.

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by 𝐆𝐄𝐑𝐀 🌻 STAYTIST (@kerimaix)

This is so surreal - Chan is a human with two sets of ears and the rest of the members are tiny wee animals - and the love, goofiness and fun are so well captured. This artist also depicts Chan as shy and cute, and I prefer this to the hard dom or arrogant inaccessible guy takes I see more often. Like I get it's appealing to others but I like a squeaky, shy guy better than any alpha dude character.

🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

poor characterization on a macro level

crass and goofy consistent misspelling like "nobbing" instead of "nodding", "viscous" instead of "vicious", "colon" instead of "cologne"

offputting descriptions like "chubby little cock" or "fat mushroom" (used for dick tips). I would lose my erection if someone talked to me like that irl

[mumms-the-word]

Together

Day 8 of the BG3 Fic February Challenge

Sometimes you just have to write poetic BS instead of romantic BS because you love all the companions equally and you don't have enough Tavs yet to share the love with all of them.

Wyll Ravengard is BG3's biggest hype man and you cannot convince me otherwise. No companion has so much faith in you as he does, though honestly Halsin, Karlach, and Lae'zel are close seconds. But Wyll? We all need a hype man best friend like Wyll to encourage us when we're feeling at our worst or against odds that feel impossible.

So anyway, have a Wyll appreciate post in the form of a half-decent fic

Check out my masterlist of BG3 fics here!

---

8. "It will be okay as long as we're together."

---

Invi was convinced that Wyll Ravengard was incapable of doubt, especially in his friends. Nearly every word out of his mouth, when the days were tough and the battles long, were words of encouragement and affirmation. He saw the best in all of them. There was no convincing him that they could achieve anything short of a perfect victory in every circumstance, so long as they stayed together.

She noticed it first when Gale revealed his condition to them. As they pondered and worried where they might find enough magical artifacts to sustain him, Wyll had shrugged. 

As long as we work together, it should be easy. It will be all right, Gale. Seven heads are better than one.

When Mizora had visited and transformed him, gifting him devil horns and a devil’s eye, Invi wanted to repay his kindness back to him. She had mentally rehearsed the words she would say to him, wanting to get them right, even though encouragement didn’t come first nature to her. But when she spoke to him, letting him vent his frustrations against Mizora and the injustice of his pact, he ended with a sigh and shook his head.

It will be okay. Truly. So long as we stay together. It’s good to know I have friends at my side when she comes back.

When Lae’zel fell to her knees at camp, her faith in Vlaakith well and truly broken, anger and despair raging in her eyes and in her words, it was Wyll that had roused her back to action. 

Come on, Lae’zel. You’re better than this. Remember, we’re stronger together. We’ll find the answers you seek and all will come to rights.

Invi couldn’t fathom how he did it. How he kept up such relentless optimism even in the face of dire circumstances. When the shadow-cursed lands threatened to swallow them whole, and her dark urges threatened to consume her body and mind and tempt her toward worse and worse atrocities, against innocents, against Isobel, against the man she loved, Wyll’s hand on her shoulder provided comfort and focus.

Trust us to take care of you, Invi. When your dark desires threaten to overwhelm you, tell us. It will all be okay in the end, if we stick together and help one another.

He’d said much the same when Shadowheart emerged, broken and hollow, from the Shadowfell, her entire life upended by her decision to spare the Nightsong and defy her goddess. As she was emerging from the dark fog, Aylin’s words of truth giving her clarity and purpose, Wyll had smiled at her and offered her a little toast with his glass.

See? Your truth is finally dawning, Shadowheart. It will be okay, so long as you’re with us. We’ll help you find the light.

Even Astarion, who normally brushed off Wyll’s words as empty fairy tale promises and pointless platitudes, paused to consider his words one night. He’d spent several minutes pacing, trying to plan his battle against Cazador but failing at every turn because he didn’t know what awaited inside the mansion. When he’d paced past Wyll, who sat lounging by the fireplace in the room, Wyll had finally had enough, standing to block his path.

Astarion, stop. It will be okay. What can Cazador do against the likes of us? Trust me, we can put an end to his evil together.

So confident. So sure. Invi and Astarion had exchanged dubious glances, but Wyll never wavered. To him, defeat was unthinkable. Not that he was afraid of defeat—he just didn’t consider it as a possible outcome at all. Iniv wished she had his confidence. She wished she had his conviction.

The day Mizora offered up his father’s life in exchange for breaking the pact and Wyll agreed, Invi finally found the chance to give him comfort. She wrapped her arms around him the next morning, hugging him close, and spoke with all the conviction she could muster.

It will be okay, Wyll. As long as you’re with us, one day, I promise, you will be okay.

He had returned her hug easily and thanked her. When he pulled away, she saw the lingering sadness in his expression, felt his touch linger on her shoulder a moment too long before he collected himself. She remembered a moment, weeks ago, in a shadowed glade, when she had caught him dancing. He’d turned, surprised, and then offered her his hand with a smile and a bow.

Trust me. I can teach you. It will be okay. We can get through the steps together.

In another life, she thought to herself, one where she was normal, natural-born, not the spawn of a literal evil god and not plagued with desires to murder and mutilate…in another life, she might have taken his hand. She might have let him show her the steps to the dance, let him twirl her around, let him bring her close for a kiss. 

But this was not that life. So all she could do was shake her head and turn away before she could see his disappointment. 

She knew she had made the right decision, though, when they found themselves kneeling on the docks in Baldur’s Gate, hands reaching out for Karlach as the flames erupted from her body. Invi was frozen, unsure what to do, her mind screaming for her to tell Karlach to run to Avernus but her tongue dead in her mouth. It was Wyll, always Wyll, who gave voice to her silent plea. 

Come with me, Karlach. I’ll make sure Zariel will never touch you. Come with me to Avernus. Come with me and live!

Karlach had stared up at him through the flames enveloping her body, her hand clutched over her heart, wavering on the edge of doubt and trust. She had seconds to decide, but Wyll’s gaze on her was steadfast and full of faith. In her, in him, in their ability to defy the odds, even in the depths of the Hells themselves. What choice did she have but to relent under the force of his irrepressible optimism? 

Karlach, I swear. It will be okay as long as we’re together.

Those were the last words that Invi heard from him before they disappeared into the portal to the hells. Though Invi had struggled to believe him a hundred times before, she had no doubts now. As the portal closed behind them, preventing her and anyone else from following after, she took comfort in what she knew now to be fact, not speculation or hope. 

They would be okay as long as they were together.

[usagihoppu]

Being bipolar is so strange because it's like someone else pilots your life for months. Then you crash back to your actual self and your life's now completely wrecked, and you only have vague memories of why.

I feel like I've literally lived multiple lives. Not in the birth/death sense, but like I have periods of my life where I wake up and I'm hyperfixated on something I've never cared about or even liked.

Let's say for example it's being the best athlete. I spend literally all my money, no I'm not exaggerating, on athletic gear, I train, I make new friends/love interests, lose old friends/love interests. Then like a few months later I wake up and have this moment of clarity of "what the fuck am I doing? I don't even like this, why is my life centered around it?"

So you change back to a "regular" state, and lose those new friends too because the idea of being in that world sounds as fun as walking on glass. And then you just kinda...stagnate until the next one. Often times you actually crash into a major depression after realizing what you did while manic. And then as you heal, you find new interests to make "yours" and not the manic version of yours. Except the next episode cycles in and a whole new fixation on that starts. It all repeats again.

I've been a professional classical musician, indie coffee house musician, drunk and drug fueled nights rock musician, teacher, artist, photographer, programmer, podcaster, streamer, only fans girl, writer, mangaka, animator etc etc etc. Nearly none of these to the quality of someone who actually knows what she's doing. Probably the teaching and music were the only things I had significant success in. Enough to make good money and live on it.

It's literally like I'm an rpg blank slate and someone randomly picks up my character creator and starts a new story then gets bored and leaves halfway through.

I have pushed nearly all my friends out of my life in these episodes and I'm incredibly lucky that a small few love me and understand me enough to know when I'm sick and when I'm me. And they love me regardless and have stuck around.

Idk what I'm really meant to be doing with this post. Venting I guess. Just wanted to shout my thoughts and frustrations into the ether.

[ask-theodorus-van-gogh]

Rules & Notes

Welcome to Theo van Gogh’s corner of the internet. This blog is dedicated to Ikemen Vampire’s most practical, no-nonsense resident, and all replies will be in character unless stated otherwise. My aim? To bring Theo to life as authentically as possible for fun, meaningful, and sometimes blunt interactions.

From the Admin:

I’m a real person managing this blog, not a vampire (sadly). Life can get busy, so while I aim to respond promptly, there may be delays. Thanks for your patience.

MDNI Warning: Ikemen Vampire covers mature themes, and this blog may explore similar content. Theo belongs to Cybird; this blog is just for fun. There’s no AI here—it’s all me, doing my best to keep things immersive.

Role-Playing & Interactions

In-Character Responses: This portrayal is based on Theo’s in-game personality, with my interpretation of his tone and mannerisms. If you’d like to chat out of character, mark it with “Admin” or send a DM.

Boundaries: If I’m uncomfortable with a question or comment, I’ll address it as Admin or reply privately. Anonymous messages cannot be answered privately, so I’ll leave a public note if necessary.

Role-Play Encouraged: Jump in! If you’ve got a scenario in mind, let’s discuss it first to keep things fun and comfortable. I’m 21+, so NSFW topics are possible with mutual consent and limitations.

Clarity in Tone: Feel free to use emojis to avoid misunderstandings. Constructive feedback is welcome, but rude or hateful messages will be ignored (or deleted—your choice).

Tags & Crossovers: Tag or @ me, and I’ll respond as Theo. Crossovers with other Ikemen blogs, including OCs, are welcome. I’ll respect their boundaries and rules before interacting. Let me know if you’d like to plan something specific—collaborations can be fun.

Sexual Topics

Theo isn’t shy about flirting or discussing suggestive topics—within reason.

Sexual questions/comments are fine within reason and mutual comfort levels. Let’s keep things respectful and balanced.

Advice & Venting

Theo doesn’t have endless patience, but he’s good at giving practical advice. If you need someone to listen, he’s here, but please don’t trauma dump—seek professional help if needed.

If This Blog Ends

If I ever decide to close the blog, I’ll post an announcement so no one’s left wondering.

Enjoy the Blog

This is a space to appreciate Theo’s character and connect with other fans. Send questions, prompts, or role-play ideas whenever inspiration strikes—I’d love to hear them. Rules may evolve, but for now, keep it fun and efficient.

[yanawildstar]

PHONE USE RULES FOR COUPLES:

1. Don't make a habit of putting your phone on silent mode or turning it off each time you're with your partner. It makes you look like you are hiding something

2. Save your partner's phone number using a special title like "Hubby", "Love", "Wife", "Sweetie". Or save using a title plus the official name. Using the official name only makes your partner look like just the other contacts on your phone

3. Answer your partner's phone call with loving affectionate words like "Hi love", "Hey honey". How a conversation starts detetmines how it flows. If you start warm, you two will enjoy talking with each other on phone

4. End the talk on a high. Say "I love you", say a joke, a compliment, a warm phrase before you hang up. Hang up with a smile

5. It is OK to chat with friends online. But never chat with another person more than you chat with your partner

6. If you will be busy, notify your partner you will not be able to pick up calls or reply texts promptly. Inform your partner what you will be doing and approximately for how long. This prepares your partner and brings peace because your partner will not feel ignored

7. Flirting on phone is good but only flirt with your partner

8. Tell off people who try to flirt with you, entice you and charm you on phone. Let them know that you are taken

9. Take lots of photos and videos together to capture moments. You will need those pics and videos in future as you look back

10. When you go out on dates, keep the phone away, minimize phone use so that you focus on each other

11. Don't make a habit of walking away from your partner to answer phone calls. Your partner will perceive you are hiding something or having an affair. Love is about perception

12. After the date and you don't live together; man, call her up and check on her, tell her you got home safe; lady, send him a text, thanking him for a wonderful time

13. Unless it's an emergency, when you can't reach your partner and you probably know he/she is at work or doing something; don't keep calling and texting desperately. You will only look like a nag to your partner and that will make your partner detest phone contact with you. Relax, your partner will see your missed call and text

14. When you see a missed call or text from your partner, please call back or reply as soon as you can. Put your partner at ease

15. Save your partner's phone number as an emergency number to be contacted incase something happens to you and your phone is locked

16. Avoid fights and arguments over the phone, they are difficult to manage and leave a bad feeling when you hang up, thus negatively affecting how you two relate. Talk about serious issues that are volatile face to face

17. When your partner offends you or you two aggrevate each other, never refuse to pick up your partner's phone call. That only makes matters worse. Keep the line of communication open so that you work things out. If you can't talk at the moment you are hurting, just pick up the call and say "I can't talk right now" and your partner will understand

18. Inform your partner when and why you need to turn off your phone when you two are apart. Keep your partner from worrying

19. When you two are having fun together, it is good to celebrate your love online but don't post too much about your lovelife. Some things are best kept private. The world doesn't have to know every detail of how you love each other

20. When you two are having problems, don't vent about your partner directly or indirectly on your social media posts

21. Don't let your partner get news about you from social media like your online friends. Tell the news to your partner first, and then post online

22. If your partner tries calling you but your line is engaged, explain who you were talking to. If someones calls you when you're with your partner, say who it was. Transparency and clarity enhances trust

23. Remember it is both your role to communicate. None of you should feel he/she is forcing a conversation or is doing much of the talking. Communication takes two

24. Put away the phone when your partner needs your undivided attention, especially in the bedroom. Don't be intimate, holding your phone, more than you hold your partner

Phone use can affect your relationship/marriage negatively or positively. Be smart as you use your smart phone..

[wheelscomedyandmore]

I thought this was such an excellent article! 🙋‍♀️👌

PHONE USE RULES FOR COUPLES:

1. Don't make a habit of putting your phone on silent mode or turning it off each time you're with your partner. It makes you look like you are hiding something

2. Save your partner's phone number using a special title like "Hubby", "Love", "Wife", "Sweetie". Or save using a title plus the official name. Using the official name only makes your partner look like just the other contacts on your phone

3. Answer your partner's phone call with loving affectionate words like "Hi love", "Hey honey". How a conversation starts detetmines how it flows. If you start warm, you two will enjoy talking with each other on phone

4. End the talk on a high. Say "I love you", say a joke, a compliment, a warm phrase before you hang up. Hang up with a smile

5. It is OK to chat with friends online. But never chat with another person more than you chat with your partner

6. If you will be busy, notify your partner you will not be able to pick up calls or reply texts promptly. Inform your partner what you will be doing and approximately for how long. This prepares your partner and brings peace because your partner will not feel ignored

7. Flirting on phone is good but only flirt with your partner

8. Tell off people who try to flirt with you, entice you and charm you on phone. Let them know that you are taken

9. Take lots of photos and videos together to capture moments. You will need those pics and videos in future as you look back

10. When you go out on dates, keep the phone away, minimize phone use so that you focus on each other

11. Don't make a habit of walking away from your partner to answer phone calls. Your partner will perceive you are hiding something or having an affair. Love is about perception

12. After the date and you don't live together; man, call her up and check on her, tell her you got home safe; lady, send him a text, thanking him for a wonderful time

13. Unless it's an emergency, when you can't reach your partner and you probably know he/she is at work or doing something; don't keep calling and texting desperately. You will only look like a nag to your partner and that will make your partner detest phone contact with you. Relax, your partner will see your missed call and text

14. When you see a missed call or text from your partner, please call back or reply as soon as you can. Put your partner at ease

15. Save your partner's phone number as an emergency number to be contacted incase something happens to you and your phone is locked

16. Avoid fights and arguments over the phone, they are difficult to manage and leave a bad feeling when you hang up, thus negatively affecting how you two relate. Talk about serious issues that are volatile face to face

17. When your partner offends you or you two aggrevate each other, never refuse to pick up your partner's phone call. That only makes matters worse. Keep the line of communication open so that you work things out. If you can't talk at the moment you are hurting, just pick up the call and say "I can't talk right now" and your partner will understand

18. Inform your partner when and why you need to turn off your phone when you two are apart. Keep your partner from worrying

19. When you two are having fun together, it is good to celebrate your love online but don't post too much about your lovelife. Some things are best kept private. The world doesn't have to know every detail of how you love each other.

20. When you two are having problems, don't vent about your partner directly or indirectly on your social media posts

21. Don't let your partner get news about you from social media like your online friends. Tell the news to your partner first, and then post online

22. If your partner tries calling you but your line is engaged, explain who you were talking to. If someones calls you when you're with your partner, say who it was. Transparency and clarity enhances trust

23. Remember it is both your role to communicate. None of you should feel he/she is forcing a conversation or is doing much of the talking. Communication takes two

24. Put away the phone when your partner needs your undivided attention, especially in the bedroom. Don't be intimate, holding your phone, more than you hold your partner

Phone use can affect your relationship negatively or positively. Be smart as you use your smart phone.